I’ll go ahead and warn you, this post is all over the place. Make a cup of tea (or get started with that bottle of wine) and come along for the ride.

I read an article written about the changes that will come about following COVID. It was written by a mother of a very young toddler. She felt bad that she hadn’t taken her child out to experience all of the things we think we should experience as children. She went to a river this past week for the first time this summer and watching her child play in the water with fascination only someone who experiences a river for the first time has left her feeling guilty. Then she had the realization that the child didn’t know it was strange to not visit this place. The oddities we are experiencing now are only because we know another life. The child does not.

The idea that a child is developing their first norms during COVID rather than missing past experiences helped this mother rest easier at night and perhaps, that thought helps me rest a bit easier too. Instead of holding on to what we had, should we be fulling embracing what we have now and be open to whatever comes tomorrow (unless what comes is flaming snowstorms because I’m never going to say I’ve seen it all again). The article came with a bit of click bait – something along the lines of “your life pre-COVID is gone” and I caught my breath as I clicked the link.

My thoughts instantly went to a local statistic I ran across this week. 1 in 3 renters cannot afford rent nor will they be able to pay what they owe for back rent because of COVID. Let that sink in. I did. The trickle down effect COVID has had is taking so much away from many of us. I’ve tried to explain how it has impacted my profession to so many. I take something my audience is familiar with… perhaps a concert or a comic con… and I start breaking down who is involved. Their eyes get bigger and bigger as I go on. The concert example ends with the crumbling of an entire community – including the fast food establishments, gas stations, shops and motels built to service the stand alone amphitheater on the outskirts of a larger metropolis. It’s not sensational, it’s likely fairly accurate if things don’t turn around.

The renter example can be mapped in a similar fashion. Rent is not only a transaction between a renter and a landlord, there is much more at play. Management companies, maintenance companies, rent to own shops, cleaning companies for rental turnovers, executive relocation companies for temporary housing… understand how this works?

This was just one thought running through my head as I thought about the change coming out of COVID. I have many more in the file cabinet that is my head.

Thankfully, the article was more light than that. And I mean thankfully in every sense of the word. I didn’t need another stressful page of words to read but I also can’t ignore the headlines. I’m already waking up each morning after an onslaught of stressful dreams. I’ve moved from the tornado dreams I was used to into an entirely new realm of storms – a hurricane/hellmouth/firestorm/tornado hybrid that was accompanied by a sick husband who I couldn’t wake up to get out of bed so we could evacuate our glass house. WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? Okay, I’m sure I know, but sheesh. My subconscious needs to calm the F down.

Okay okay… to get back to the point. I started this post with the title “meandering” to speak to how our paths in life meander (and because I had a great picture to accompany it) but it seems my thoughts are doing the meandering this morning. Relevant still, but not my original intention.

I haven’t set a goal of applying for XX number of jobs a week, but I do try and apply for a good handful each week. I’ll be honest, I’ve gotten away from that this past month. The jobs I’ve applied for are still open, signaling that employers just aren’t moving, and I have a couple of prospects that are promising… but also not moving quickly… so I sit in limbo. I’ve fallen back on making as it’s been providing a good income and a solid list of things to do each day but not replacing what I left behind in the government owned venue sector. So I feel the need to do more… or to get serious about making and discovering what else I need to do to match that income. This morning I took a few more steps forward on that path… applying for a handful of jobs that matched my management experience and sounded interesting.

My path, like the picture above, has been one lane… sometimes meandering here and there. There aren’t many turn offs. I don’t know how to successfully pivot, not yet anyways. There are lots of options that allow for pivoting on the table… but I’m not sure what to do with them quite yet. Perhaps when I figure that out, that path will run into an intersection.

But for now, I’ll slowly move along. Who knows where it might lead.

2 thoughts on “meandering

  1. I know it doesn’t really help much, but just reading what you’re going through somehow helps me cope with my own anxiety about everything going on in the world. I know you’re not really offering solutions, and neither am I. It just helps me feel like “I’m not alone, we can all get through this together, but separately.” I sincerely hope your jewelry stuff keeps up and supports you until you either find something new, or maybe it takes off and turns into a full-time thing.

    Keep your chin up and remember it’s ok to feel confused and stressed and sad. We’re all going through similar things. Sending you good vibes… and hopefully no more crazy stormy nightmares!

  2. There is comfort in knowing my words helps other realize there are others out there feeling the same way. Someone recently told me “you aren’t the only one looking for a job” which really just filled me with rage… but the idea that “you aren’t the only one feeling this… we can weather the storm” is less ragey. You know? We will get through this!

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