here… can you hold this?

The blooms on my hostas are starting to fade.

Are we already there?

The flowers that were so eager to show off not even a month ago find themselves in the first stage of wilting, grasping at their colors as they litter bed around them. Even the bed is starting to shows signs that the days are growing shorter. Weeds sneak in and set up camp in places they didn’t stand a chance in habiting earlier in the season. This change in summer marks the point where our yard guy starts charging us for the occasional leaf pick up.

Not because it’s fall.

But because it’s hot, dry, and we’ve given up on watering everything.

This will serve as a quarterly brain dump. We’ll see where it goes.

I find myself taking breaks from work to turn my head ever so slightly and just peer out my office window. My neighbor has been parked outside of our house for the past three days and The party that caused him to move his car is long over. It looks like he’s moved now… or my chair is slightly further forward than usual and I can’t see his bumper. Either way, out of sight, out of mind. I’ve turned into that person who opens her blinds just enough to spy on others, but not so much that they will see me working when they walk by. I’d placed bets with my cat on the odds the car would move before week end. I guess I should pay up.

Is this a sign I need to get out of this house more regularly than I do?

I had the chance to talk to one of my best friends from college on the phone recently. The last time I heard her voice was when she came for a visit with her family in 2017. Texting is damn convenient… convenient for quick updates and the loss of personal connection. Clicking “end” on the phone left a hole inside of me that I’ve noticed non stop since our conversation. We talked about home and the idea of home and how I’m missing that idea of home for the first time since moving out here.

I’m not talking about the “home is where the heart is” home. That isn’t missing, it’s home as a place. Home as a community full of people who get you. Who understand you. Who know you. Who relate to you. Who know where you’ve come from… how far you’ve come… what you’re capable of. There is likely more than one thing causing me to miss this. The loss of my previous career path is probably a significant part of that.

There is a theme intertwined amongst my posts since the end of March 2020. Kind of a connect the dots that all turn out to be some grand new thing for my life. I’m just not quite there yet. This connect the dots isn’t as easy as some. I have to find the dots before moving onto the next one and I have no real map or key to get me there.

Many conversations swarm around this theme, some more obviously than others. They almost always end with “only you can really figure it out”.



If only it were that easy.

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