Quite often, when I set out to write a post, I’ve given it some thought for at least half an hour. If I sit down to write with nothing to write about, I find myself lost in a sea of words. My fingers trip over the keys of my laptop searching out some fancy words or a clever quip as I fumble to build paragraphs.
Or at least phrases that make sense once typed out.
We all know paragraphs are overrated when you’re trying to get your voice across on a computer screen.
Tonight is different though. Tonight I needed to get words out more than I wanted to get an idea across. Tonight I just need to journal, I suppose. When I first started a blog, that’s exactly what I did. Journaled. It was emotive (notice I didn’t say emo), it was full of college girl issues and drama, it was interlaced with song lyrics that I hoped would help me convey my mood or at least appeal to that imaginary man that was out there not waiting to run into me in some ideal location in a very romantic way.
I found myself digging into Spotify tonight to listen to “War on Drugs” by Barenaked Ladies. Some part of me wanted to lay on the couch and listen to it on repeat (I’m on number 9 or 10 at this point). I can’t remember the last time I listened to that song although I quite often belt out BNL songs at the top of my lungs while hanging out in traffic on the way to work. I remember this song was a staple post-breakup my last year of college. It was emotional, Steven Page’s voice was my favorite, and it was less bouncy than other songs of the time. Maybe I thought I was deep because I listened to it.
Or maybe I just liked it.
What’s most interesting to me is not that I was found longing for this not-very-significant song from my past, but rather that a few repeats of the tune pushed me to pick up my laptop and write. If I really wanted to recreate the years 2001-2004, I’d take a web cam selfie (although, not considered a selfie back then) and add some song lyrics and italics before jumping into the meat of the post. I’m not going to lie. I did search through the lyrics hoping for just the perfect song.
But it’s fairly sad and I’m not feeling sad so it doesn’t really make sense to do so.
Sometimes I’m feeling pretty funny and clever and those are the times when I am really proud of what I’ve posted on my blog. However, more often than not I merely feel the need to remove words from my head in some semi-permanent way. I’m glad I did that way back when and I’ll be glad I did that tonight.
Go ahead, take a look back at my first blog… built with love on tripod (beware the popups) – Ramblings of a Generic Female I started the thing in 2001 and deleted a great deal of it for whatever reason in 2004. I did print the deleted posts, thankfully, so it is around here somewhere. Maybe I’ll share some of those posts with you someday.
And because I can’t help myself…
Won’t it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company?
~War on Drugs, Barenaked Ladies