with purpose

I’m a driven person.  Is that a thing?

To be driven?

I think so.  When you drive, you have a starting point and an end point.  There is purpose to the drive.  To get from here to there.  The same could be said for anything I do to keep busy.

Yes, even with mindless television.  The purpose is to turn off my brain and just get through an episode.  See, driven.

I think it’s this drive that has been my enemy during this down time.  I can’t just do if there isn’t any reason to do it.  I can’t bake banana bread twice a week (why is this still a thing) because honestly, we won’t eat it so what’s the point.  I tried coloring for a couple of days and while fun at times, I was mostly frustrated as the end result really wasn’t going to do anything for me.  I didn’t feel accomplished with a finished page.  I think I’d find more peace in coloring if I had other things going on and it was a way to de-stress.  The same goes for cross stitching.  I don’t have a need for a finished piece right now, so why keep stitching?

It’s silly, I know.  Perhaps it’s harmful to think this way, but I can’t help it.  I get a kick out of organizing or cleaning out a closet, but I’ve done that already.  A few times in fact.  So now the purpose is done.  Further messing in the closet would be pointless.

Right?

Wait, before you point me to article after article telling me it’s okay to just be right now, I’ve read them.  I agree with them, but it’s not that I’m feeling guilty, it’s that I’m just not interested if there isn’t a purpose to do it.  With this in mind, I sat down with my ukulele yesterday and found a song that wasn’t easy to learn in 15 minutes.  I picked at it for over an hour, improving only slightly.  I only stopped working on it because my fingers (who are way out of practice) burned use.  I’ll pick it back up today, to practice further.

I also sat and spun yarn last night, by choice, not by force.  It comes in waves, I suppose.  But the trick will be to find something that either results in a product (the yarn for example, since I sell the end result) or new skills on my uke or mandolin.

And let’s be honest, any skill on my mandolin will be a new skill.

And let’s continue to be honest, by mandolin I’m referring to the musical instrument, not the finger tip death trap I keep in a drawer in my kitchen.