take a seat

… we’ll be with you in a moment.

I’m waiting.

Or so it feels that way.

I’m living my days in that feeling where something is about to happen. You can just sense things like that. Things keep happening but the feeling remains… yet to be extinguished.

Starting a new job didn’t extinguish it.

The vaccine appointment didn’t extinguish it.

The announcements of concerts this year didn’t extinguish it.

A few quick getaways with my favorite guy to secret cabins in the woods and houses perched high above the ocean didn’t extinguish it.

It’s there, lurking. It’s not a feeling where I’m anticipating something bad… or good… just that I’m constantly scanning the world around me, trying to find some kind of clue because in the distance, I hear a knock at the door. I’m guessing something big will happen or I’ll wake up one morning and the feeling won’t be there anymore. I think that will come with an audible sigh of relief.

And perhaps that feeling is just the absence of something waiting. I was always scanning my horizon for incoming torpedoes at my last job and now that I’m working again, that feeling has come back.

Maybe old habits die hard.

It’s funny how the saying “when it rains, it pours” continues to be relevant no matter what is going on. You get a bill? You get 10 more bills. A kitten decides to throw up once? That kitten will throw up again twice a week until it finally croaks and relieves you of clean up duty. You break your diet to drink a beer? You find yourself 6 days latter sitting on your 4th patio that week with a nice adult beverage in hand and a plate of nachos in front of you (damn this strange spring with lots of sun and very little rain… I was counting on that rain to keep me inside, eating veggies and drinking water).

It’s just the way it is.

In my case, it seems to be pouring opportunities. For the first 10 months of the pandemic, I was waiting on that ONE job. Since then, I’ve received email upon email with “hey… are you still looking” as the starting line.

I mean, no, I’m not looking but what have you got for me?