come tomorrow

img_4904What fixes this mess we’re in?  Millions of our neighbors are out of jobs with more and more adding to that list each day.  All of our favorite places are shut down and the familiar faces that worked behind their counters lost to a layoff – maybe they will be back, maybe they will move along.

After all, we’re likely moving along.

I’ve been trying to put my finger on how this makes me feel.  It’s not really grief, not in the traditional sense.  There is anger as I mentioned before, but no where to direct it.  I like having control of what lays ahead and I don’t have control of that right now.  What I’ve put my finger on is a complete loss of control.

I was perfectly content sitting in my sandbox and someone has come along and taken my toys from me.

Man, I hate bullies.  This bully has taken so much from us.  John Prine was taken yesterday, the music world lost a great one.  Parents and grandparents are being taken from people near and far.  Front line healthcare workers are being taken from their families to do their jobs when their families need them the most.  We’re all being thrust into something so unfamiliar and then asked to live in ways that are unreasonable to many.  Loved ones in quarantine, human touch off limits, a trip to our favorite trail looked down upon, children forced to learn remotely so long as their household has access to computers and internet access.

So how do we fix this?  I’m taking it hour by hour right now.  After spending almost 7 years in Portland, I honestly thought I’d retire here.  Dreaming of a nearby piece of land with a house surrounded by a garden to live out my days once I got there.  I’ve lazily browsed vacation rentals to put money down on… after all… we live just hours from almost everything we love…



…dense wooded hikes…

…why consider living elsewhere?

The sudden loss of my dream job changed that in an instant.  By evening the day I received the news, I was eager to leave Portland behind and embark on a new adventure.  Early last week I was applying for jobs in California, Kentucky, West Virginia, Texas and Oklahoma.  For a short time, where I was didn’t hold a special place in my heart and I was willing to give it up to find the next big adventure.  Funny how that works.

Things are back to normal, however.  Portland is back to being a place I love.  The view out my front door takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes.  The thought of leaving that behind is hard, but one that I know will likely be necessary.

It’s a very adult thing.  I suppose.  Moving to where a better job opportunity awaits.  Perhaps the cost of living is lower.  Perhaps there will be Tex-Mex or BBQ.  Perhaps we fall in love with a new town all over again.  Perhaps we keep our house here so we can easily come back if our paths come back west.

Stranger things have happened.

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